I haven't written in three days because it wasn't too much to tell. Now that it's been some time I have plenty to say.
We went to visit one of my grandparents good friends' house, she is a doctor for the US Embassy. A lovely lady so full of life and she has three wonderful daughters that I enjoyed my time with. All the women in the house, me, my grandmother, her eldest daughter, and her were having girl talk. My grandmother said she read about a man who met some of the richest men in the world and he asked them what's the secret to success? They all answered in unison and said "It's about who you marry." This altered my belief around men don't give enough credit to their wives for their success but it's really poor men don't. Choosing your life partner is such a huge decision. Your energy is immeshed with this person for years and that can either be medicine for your life or poison.
I asked both of the older women at the table, " Do you think we should wait on a man to be successful if we see his potential?" They both said no but my grandmother immediately said make all your big decisions with God. We can't tell you what you should do for your life but God knows all. If you are at a cross roads, ask God, if you are wondering if this man is your husband, ask God and be prepared for the answer no matter if you want to hear it or not. She said " Happy is the man that finds his wife." You never seek out your true mate, he finds you. He finds you as his wife already, because a wife is a woman who has been pouring love consistently into herself. Not seeking a man or a partnership but finding new depths of love within herself. I really loved that conversation because I needed to hear that.
Often times partnership is measured by trivial things, for example the doctor lady, I don't want to share her name but she said she got married when they were both still in medical school. They didn't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of but they stuck together and built a beautiful life together. I'm not saying that is a precursor for true love, I don't even want that for myself. However, beautiful strong foundations take time to build. You learn many lessons and can handle so much more when you have sacrificed for something versus not. But to go from nothing to having her whole life funded by the government, two houses, seven cars, and living overseas living for years was so inspiring to see.
When you are obedient and you listen to God your life is immensely blessed. There are universal laws we should abide by to keep confused and deceitful energy out of our lives. I am learning that now. One of the biggest lessons I am learning is, there are no shortcuts. It has come up so much for me in the past three months it's crazy. Like today my uncle told us a story about when he went to visit my late Uncle Butch. They had to move some furniture and my uncle was trying to do it a lazier way then my Uncle Butch said " Lazy n*ggas always end up working twice as hard." My uncle said that stuck with him throughout his life because it still rings true. Do your absolute best with everything the first time so you don't have to back and do it again.
Our elders really do speak in parables versus just out right saying things and I love that about being from the south. So much wisdom in the tongue of our elders who take the time to share with us, even if some are batshit crazy. Listen and take what you can get. Another one is, " God draws with crooked lines." Meaning, God can still achieve "his" perfect plan through imperfect people.
My grandma told us a story about a man who died and said he went through judgement in the after life. His angels took him and told him, here it's not about how you do something it's about why you do it. You could save people your whole life, be an amazing preacher, life coach, entrepreneur. But if you did it for the love of money, you didn't do it sincerely. I don't believe in the judgement thing in the way most do, I believe we are judged every day of our waking life. It is up to us to be self aware enough to know deep down why we do what we do. I think as long as you do what your heart calls you to do, you will have what you need to live a wonderful life. Doing things just for money isn't fulfilling and you should want your life to be full of rich experiences otherwise you'll always be seeking something to fill the void.
My grandad was talking to me tonight and I am pretty awkward with him because again we don't have the best relationship. Just last night I over heard him comparing me to someone more successful than me and it hurt my feelings, it made me cry. I thought I didn't seek validation from him anymore but deep down I do. I try really hard not to but I just want both of them to be proud of me. I know it's not a good way to be because I can't live my life for anyone but me, however it was just my unchecked emotions. I am working on it, and after I let out the cry and talked to my other family about it I felt better. I am exactly where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to be doing.
But anyways back to what I was saying. I asked him what does he think is the most important thing I should be doing right now at 23 years old. He said, I should make an assessment of what I don't know and figure out how to fill those gaps. If I don't know how to fill them talk to someone I trust in a great position in life and have them help me assess where I am, then be open to hearing what I may not want to. He told me a lot of other stuff to but it all boiled down to expanding my horizons and immersing myself in expansive opportunities and experiences. All things my intuition told me at the beginning of this year.
I am excited for what's to come in my life. I feel like I got too ahead of myself at a point and felt like I should be living my life to serve the people but in my 20s I should be serving myself first. Cultivating my mind and my life to fit where I am going and what I am destined to do. I am ready to be a student of life in a new and more exciting way now. I deserve to have fun, learn a lot, and live a full youthful life dedicated to my growth right now. So do you, whoever is reading this. You have to serve yourself first. Until next time.xoxo
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